Llan’s story ''How I changed my daughter’s heart''
This blog is a space for parents with lived experience of the care system to speak out, reflect, and connect. It's for those who’ve been through years of struggle, felt unheard, and fought to be seen not as a number — but as a parent, a person, and someone who deserves to be listened to. Through stories like mine and others, this blog shows the power of being part of something like PAN Cymru. A place where you’re not alone. Where people actually listen. Where your story matters. For some of us, like me, it came too late to change what happened in the past — but it’s not too late to make a difference now. PAN gave me a safe space, a voice, and even helped rebuild trust in my own family. It’s not about being perfect — it’s about being real. We’re here to learn from each other, to grow, and to stand together for the changes families need.
4/13/20254 min read
Can you speak about your background and how you became a PAN
My name's Llan, I’m an ex heavy duty labourer that left me with a spinal injury. I had about 12 years of social services, they told lies about my children and took them for long term. It was only last year I found out about PAN. I accused social services and the IRO of neglecting my children. And when the social work and the IRO listened to me, they asked me to come here to see if I can help other people, because what I'm saying was true.
Thinking back over the last 12 months, what good, bad or bad changes have come about?
Not many, because I have only been to PAN once, but I wish PAN was around 12 years ago when I got affected. I would have liked a support group like to help me, as for 12 years, I've been on my own. I knew nothing about PAN. Today is my second time and I feel welcomed. I enjoy coming here. Outside those doors is a real world. But in here is my safe space.
If PAN was here 12 years ago, I believe that I would have called my kids quicker because I would have had the support. It has taken so long for me to do it, like reading paperwork, and questioning what they did. I think it took me ten years to come around to reading things.
Then I realised the mistakes, that’s when it all kicked off. That’s why you need a place like PAN to go to, and I think, you benefit going there. I believe I have benefited, and many people here come with similar experiences.
When I first came to PAN and I told my story, people listened and when I went back the Social Services meetings, everyone changed. They seemed to act professional. I don't know if that was coming to PAN or of what I accused them of, but after that, it all changed. It all changed.
The IRO became more professional, rather than listening to social services. She listened to me too.
Because without coming here, I thought I would be on my own, and by coming here, it's made me realise that I'm not on my own. And you want to stand up and tell these stories because what has happened to some people, it is actually wrong.
What about the impact on your children of you coming here?
What’s happened has impacted me and that has benefited the children, because I've learned stuff like how you would speak to a teenage girl, as she is 14-year-old now. Just listening to other stories has taught me how to speak to my 14-year-old girl, and now she’s too honest with me.
Of all the changes that have happened, which is the most significant and why?
It’s with my daughter, being more honest with me now, I can trust her more when she goes out. Sometimes, I don’t like the stuff she is saying, but I now know if there is an issue, she will come to me. She could say something like “Dad I have slept with someone and I’m pregnant”.
So, ok, I didn’t want to hear that, but now we can sort it out. I have that trust now, I know if there’s a problem, she will come running home and tell me. When I am worried about something about her, we can now sit down and I can say to her, I am little bit worried about something and she will ask ‘what’s the matter’ and we will talk it out. Before we would just argue. Our relationship now is brilliant, and I wish my boys were more like her.
It sounds like you are very proud of your relationship with your daughter.
I want to say, I am super proud. Before she didn't want to be with us. Me and my wife, we would question what we have done wrong. We've done nothing wrong throughout the whole thing. My daughter used to love spending time with us and it was nice, and when she was 12, you know, it stopped. She had a social life. My daughter's being honest with me now means that I can trust her going out. One of the biggest most significant changes is about my daughter.
I sat down to talk with her, worried she was going down the wrong route. Sometimes it's all about the way you say things.
What it was like before this change?
I couldn't speak to her, we couldn't talk, she wouldn't answer the phone to me. Now it’s like a miracle. My brother was like her father, you know, that's what it felt like to me, and we just didn't feel like family. Now it’s more like a family. My daughter knows she can now speak to my boys and my boys can speak to her and that is brilliant, it absolutely amazing. You know, we are happier together.
Because other people in PAN are in the same situation as me, you tend to lean towards what they saying as well because they are in the same boat. It's just they're doing stuff in a different way. I just tried listening to other people’s stories. I’ll give it a go.