‘Putting an arm around’ Steph's story
In this blog, a parent reflects on their journey from isolation and loss to strength, confidence, and self-respect through their involvement with PAN. After navigating the heartbreak of adoption loss and the pressures of court, parenthood, and difficult relationships, finding PAN marked a turning point. With the right support and encouragement, she found her voice, built lasting friendships, and began standing up for herself—for the first time in a long time. This is a story about healing, growth, and the power of finally being able to say, “No—this is my life, and these are my rules.”
4/12/20252 min read
Can you tell me a bit about your background and how you came to get involved in PAN?
I went through bad relationships. I lost my two oldest girls to adoption, which was really hard, then, I got pregnant with my oldest son and ended up fighting in court and then went into a parent and baby unit. I then I had my second child and proved myself. So, they signed off, but I started dipping with certain things. Gaia then pointed PAN out to me, and that's how I became involved.
And thinking back over the last six months, what good or bad changes have come about as a result of your involvement in PAN?
I finally made some friends. I've got a lot more confidence and I'm able to tell people no and actually stand up for myself.
And of all the changes that you've identified, which one is the most significant to you and why?
It’s my confidence in being able to stand up for myself because I can actually tell people no. Whereas before I sit back and let people walk all over me, or the kids’ father, so even like my own house, it'd be like what he says goes. Whereas now I'm like, no, it's my house. It's my rules, if you don’t like it leave – So it's being able to stand up for myself!
Regarding the most significant change you've chosen, please can you tell me a little bit about what it was like before?
I was very isolated. I didn’t bother with family. I didn't really bother with anyone outside of the home. I'd rather stay in and just keep myself to my house to not see anyone.
And what is it like now?
It’s a lot better if I go out. I've finally passed my driving test, whereas before I wouldn't have done it. I got friends that I talk to. I’ve got a lot of support.
What was it that brought about that change?
Having the support and people telling me that I deserve better and shouldn't be putting up with the stuff I was.