The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Can you tell me a little bit about your background and how you came to be involved in PAN?

I was a single father for a long time. Not so much now because I’ve just had a new baby, but it was just me and my little girl. She came home on the live with me when she was three and she’s 12 now, so it's been a long journey.

How I became involved with PAN, how I became aware of it, was when I was applying for another job. As it goes, I didn't get that, but they said, Oh, look, there's this group running and you might be interested in that. It was along a similar type of line to what I was doing. So I came check it out and I'm here now two years later.

Thinking back over the last 12 months – what good or bad changes have come about as a result of your involvement with PAN?

I can't think of many bad things that have come about from being in PAN. A lot of good things have come, like I'm more confident in myself. I've made a better support network. I've made friends. Anytime I need something, like advice, I can come to people here. Also other things have come through PAN, like I might be starting my own dads group, which is linked with PAN, but it's going to be my own thing as well. That's a good thing for me. I think my mental health is probably a bit better as well.

I don't know if I was depressed or not, but I was a bit down. Doing this type of stuff and giving back - obviously it’s a thing I want to do. I’m glad I’m helping other parents and showing there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Through my experiences I can show parents that if I can do it, anyone can do it.

Of all the changes that you have identified, which one is more significant to you and why?

Probably the most significant thing to me, through linking with PAN, is starting my own dads group. That’s probably a big one for me. It’s something I've always wanted to do because when I was getting my little girl coming to live with me, I went through that type of stuff.

They gave me a lot of tools to help me, which they still do to this day. I still use some of them. So that's a big thing for me. Why, is because I'm going to start giving back to dads that need help as well.

That's another big thing for me, to give back. PAN has opened up the door for me to be able to do this. It’s enabled me to do this, linking in with other parents and professionals has helped me to achieve what I wanted.

Regarding the more significant change you've chosen, please can you tell me a bit about what it was like before? What it's like now and what you think brought about the change?

I think the most significant thing for me about coming through PAN was that I was quite isolated. I had a few friends that I've known for a long time but I don't see them as much as I'd like. It was just me and my daughter for a long time. When it was just me and my

daughter it was quite hard work. Meeting up with my partner has helped me a lot with that, especially to do with girl problems.

Getting involved with Pan, obviously has opened up new friendships and more support for me. I can go back and ask questions or people can help me in ways that I never thought they would help me. Linking in with people from PAN and the other dads has opened up other possibilities and helped me getting my dad’s group going.

PAN throwing me into groups, Parent Cafes and conferences has built my confidence in public speaking and helps me feel more confident running my own group – and getting roped in to being on the BBC!

It was getting involved with PAN that brought about the change. Getting involved with the people, opening up to people and telling my story has made me more confident and a better person and a better parent in general. So it's all helping me to grow as a person.

Gareth’s story